you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
It was like getting head from an anaconda
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
