Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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