i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
