Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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