Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
