I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
