The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
