You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
