I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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