This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
