She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
