How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
