Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
