Jerry, you need to find god
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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