Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
