what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
