I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
