I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
