I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
