I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
