mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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