why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
