Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
