Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
