Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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