If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
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