apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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