Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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