Who wears a wallet chain?!
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
