He asked to "fluff my boner.."
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
