It's like God shit irony all over that family
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
