Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
