Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
