Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
