Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
