i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
