im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
