Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
