Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
