Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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