i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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