So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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