so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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