Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
