I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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