Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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