So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
