First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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