im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
The police scanner is talking about you again....
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
