your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
