is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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