guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I came so hard my ears popped.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
