I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
