so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
