If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Randomize
