he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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